Blog Post #2: Resolving Interpersonal Conflict

This situation is based on a true story:

On 9th August 2002, fifty thousand spectators and performers were celebrating the nation’s birthday in the National Day Parade (NDP) except Mr. A and Mr. Z. Mr. Z was a participant in one of the cultural segment while Mr. A was Mr. Z’s trainer. Both of them were volunteers in their early twenties. That night was the tipping point of the conflict, Mr. A misinterpreted Mr. Z’s bending over action to be made to agitate Mr. A. Thus, Mr. A ran over and harshly reprimanded Mr. Z. Subsequently, both raised their voices and were pulled apart before they could start a fight.

Mr. A had volunteered as group trainer in NDP for three years. Each year, he would take care of fifty participants in his group and he was stricted towards his participants’ behaviors (who were volunteers too.) to ensure that they would perform up to the choreographers’ expectation. On the other hand, it was the first time Mr. Z participated in NDP. Thus, he enjoyed teasing other participants during trainings and defying instructions which irritated Mr. A.

Both Mr. A and Mr. Z got along during the initial 3 month of practices. The first rehearsal was the incident when conflict between Mr. A and Mr. Z brewed. All participants were supposed to stand with their props raised during the Grand Finale segment. But Mr. Z was reluctant to participate in this performance, so he sat on the ground while other performers were standing. Initially, Mr. A (in a firm tone) repeatedly asked Mr. Z to stand with no avail. On the other hand, Mr. Z was not willing to comply especially when he was increasingly annoyed with Mr. A’s overbearing leadership.

Gradually, relationship between Mr. A and Mr. Z soured. There were several occasions when Mr. Z requested to switch to another group (The request was denied as it was too late to change) and even suggested to quit from the performance. However, he stayed for his close friends who were performing in the adjacent group (Alpha). Mr. A made no attempt to improve communication with Mr. Z. Instead, he felt that Mr. Z was at fault and needed behavioral modification. Finally, the last straw came when Mr. Z bent over to tie his shoe lace. But Mr. A (not in speaking terms with Mr. Z) had mistaken his action as defiance, reprimanded Mr. Z loudly over his lack of discipline. This eventually evolved into a heated argument when both of them vented their discontentment over each other, raising their voice each time.

If you happen to be another trainer-in-charge of the adjacent group (Alpha) what action would you take (Mr. Z’s friends are in group (Alpha) as well)? What would you think Mr. A should do to handle the situation effectively?

Blog Post #1: Effective Communication Skills

Just as I was setting down to work on my first blog post today, I shut off any communication with my environment as my huge headphone firmly covered my ears. Apparently, I couldn’t hear anything around me until someone stood in front of me glaring in my direction. Of course, he had been frustrated with my lack of respond to his repetitive calling for me.

What an irony to be writing my first blog post on effective communication skill. Yet I had been reprimanded for lack of conversing skills. Somehow, this incident allows me to reflect on how Communication encompasses a broad spectrum of things - the way in which we encode and decode messages, the communication channel chosen to send these messages, and how non-verbal communication cues involved like appearances and gestures, are just the tip of the iceberg (not after I had quite a handful of criticism from him).

In fact every moment in our life, as long as we come into physical or any other form of contact with another living organism, communication network had been established. A simple hug we give to our mum every morning sends a clear message – we care for each other. In many occasions, we communicate our love to our pet dogs as they savor the comfort from our stroking around their bellies or back. Everyday we picked the communication channel, and next come the messages we encoded into the channel. Effective communication has become so important in our daily life to maintain strong and healthy relationships with our friends and love ones.

No doubt in today’s society, holding a respectable qualification can be a powerful spring board to secure a new job. However one who arrogantly boast his exceptional achievement in Oxford University will not be well received by others especially when he/she had already locked his/her door from any forms of communication with other "lowly" beings. Qualification alone does not bring us far in our career advancement as effective communication skills have become an important tool to climb the corporate ladder or shine in your first job interview. No successful CEOs or managers who gain staunch respect from their beloved employees/ subordinates can ignore effective communication skills. Been able to establish good relationship with your subordinates/employee and keep conflicts and disagreement to the minimal enables us to build strong bonds and team dynamics.

Perhaps an elegant flow of encoded message into the channel, follow by a beautiful decoding of the message leads to an effective communication. Sound perfect, but difficult to achieve because it takes strong effort to actively listen and empathy to respond tactfully.

Sometimes, opening a communication channel is just like taking a bitter pill because we need to take the initiative and courage to opens our psychological barrier against fear of negative feedback from the receiver. Therefore, communication involves taking risk and making attempts to open the door of somebody’s life. Reducing the risk by engaging ourselves actively in applying effective communication skills to break the icy barrier and eventually enters the warming heart of the receiving end. “The doors we opens and close each day decide the lives we live” – Flora Whittemore